Well, here it is. I went to the Emergency Room today and "am in the process" of having a miscarriage. This is completely disturbing to me, and for some reason I thought that I was immune to this. I am not. I know, that I was not far along, and I am thankful that I never heard the baby's heart, or saw her picture. It doesn't make it easier. It is heartbreaking to me. I know it is for Brandon as well. I just have to believe that our baby was not formed, and that something was terribly wrong with her. I must believe that it is easier to know now and early. The doctor says that we will be able to have a healthy pregnancy, and baby. Still, it is not easier. I hate that every time I use the restroom I have to be reminded of what has happened to my body. It is impossible to not second guess every single thing that I have done the last month. I know that this happens, and logically, I understand that I did not cause it. Still, I ask myself if maybe riding a roller coaster before I knew was the cause or could telling everyone so early have caused it? Like I said, logically, I know it was not the cause, but those thoughts still make their way into my head. We will be OK. I am so lucky and happy to have such support and such caring people around. I thank you for that.

Circus Circus

Growing up, my dad always took us to the circus. He LOVES the circus. We not only would go to see the show, we would go and watch the train load up. every year. His favorite movie is The Greatest Show on Earth. So, you get the idea now of how much the man likes the circus. Today he took Gates, brandon, me, and Michael's 3 kids to the circus. We had so much fun. The two little ones have never been to a circus before, and did really well.
Gates waiting for BoPop to come and get us! Bopop and his 4 grandkids before the show!

Oakleys

Raedyn (she loves clowns) Charlie, Rhlyie, Gates, and Brandon (he is scared of clowns)

sharing a seat!

Rhylie and Raedyn

after the circus. Both wanted him to hold them. So he did!

The aftermath. Two extremely tired toddlers!!! Thanks Dad for a really fun day!!

Duncan

Meet Duncan. Doesn't he look innocent and sweet? He is. He is also a hunter! If you know Dunc then this might come as a surprise. This week he has already caught two squirrels and 1 gecko. He has also caught a bunny, and a bird. He is resting up for another busy day of hunting exotic animals in the neighborhood!

my camera works, my camera works~

although I could not find the pictures I took today, b/c they were under the date 1-7-05
I guess something went askew in the water bowl...
I am so glad it works, though!

Gates is doing "guns up" here, I accidentally cut off the important part...
hiding her guns...

playing before bed

imagine the sound here...

playing in the toy box